Get to know the five Kenyan presidents and their achievements (if any)

The First President of Kenya Jomo Kenyatta

Kenya has had five presidents since her independence. In this article, I’ll give my opinion of their achievements.

He was an imposter who hijacked the struggle for independence. He is credited as the official inventor of corruption, the very Dracula that is suckling this nation to the marrow.

The STF (settler transfer fund) was the first Goldenberg this nation had way back in 1963. “Mutongoria Nyamba” was the architect. Among his other inventions are tribalism, which is tearing this nation apart. Land grabbing is also credited to him.

The colonialists settled on him, between Ronald Ngala, Tom Mboya and Jaramogi Oginga Odinga, as the nation’s first president because he had exhibited a huge appetite for land and so they thought he’d be the easiest to compromise, according to the memoirs of Joseph Murumbi, his second Vice president. Jomo Kenyatta is also the originator of oathing and “uthamaki”.

There is absolutely nothing positive to write home about this imposter, apart from this quotation: “When the white man came, we had the land and they had the bible (Christianity). They taught us to pray with our eyes closed. When we opened them, we had the bible and they had the land”.

Moi only followed Kenyatta’s footsteps, earning him the name Nyayo. He perfected Kenyatta’s inventions and oversaw the collapse of this nation’s economy.

The bandit from Baringo was the only president/leader to be allowed in high profile international conferences while armed with a crude weapon, a rungu.

His tenure was cloudy, with torture of dissidents in the infamous Nyayo House. He is quoted instructing UON department of automotive engineering to manufacture “our own car, no matter how slow and ugly it would be”

He has a bright side. His landmark achievement is the inception and creation of Kimalel Goat Market in Baringo.

He also oversaw the manufacture of Kenya’s first car – Nyayo, which couldn’t even start, through his ambitious Numerical Machining Complex which pumped billions for the venture. Moi was also good at building gabions to prevent “momomyoko or is it mnyonyoko wa udongo” (soil erosion).

He was extradited from Tanzania and hanged in Kamiti a few hours into his presidency. He is a great statesman who fought for the people. When an injustice like holocaust, apartheid, colonialism, corruption under dictatorship become legal, then an illegality must be employed to save the people.

He is the greatest of the presidents. He is my role model. Critics don’t know that Mau Mau killed more than 20,000 Kenyans in the “struggle” against oppression. He is among the very last Kenyans to be hanged around 1985. The hangman is nowadays idle.

When his mother visited him before he was hanged he reminded her that he had warned her while joining the military to “expect anything”.

He was a sober intellectual until his tribesmen surrounded him and indoctrinated him to “uthamaki”.

He henceforth retrieved to State House bar for white cup as his henchmen men raped the nation with Anglo Leasing, etc. He built this nation from the turmoil of Moi’s misrule. He is the tallest of the four dwarfs this nation has had as presidents.

His other greatest achievement was the introduction of “please call me thank you”, which happened in his tenure and he also brought home Kenya’s freedom fighter General Mathenge, also called Lemna Ayanu, from the wilderness of Ethiopian Highlands where he had disappeared.

Kibaki achieved this task with minimal assistance from Koigi Wa Wamwere of the 17 votes fame. His memorable quotation is “na university si yako na bibi yako. Mwingine anasema ni yake na bibi yake. Hapana! Ni ya wakenya wote”. He said this while presiding over a function to open a university in Mombasa (should be Pwani).

It was during his tenure that a half of an eighth of a kilogram of sugar (sukari ndogo) was introduced, signalling the beginning of extremely difficult times for the common folks, also called “ordinary mwananchi”.

He has also failed spectacularly to unite the nation and he takes home the record of the most divisive president ever.

Uhuru Kenyatta had a unique platform to end corruption because he is a rich president who doesn’t need any money, but he squandered the opportunity by letting Waiguru, etc., soil his reputation.

By Jerome Ogola

Written by meltingpot

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