Kenyan elections – Why those who think they have won have won nothing

There is this man, Samuel Kivuitu the deceased Chairman of the now defunct Electoral Commission of Kenya (ECK), taught us about. The man, a city mad man, who while seated in front of a shopping mall, tells everyone who cares to listen, that the shop is his, when in reality he doesn’t have even a pair of pants on. The humorous Kivuitu advises us not to take such people seriously.

Those who sing “we have won” have in real sense won nothing. After the coronation ceremony at Kasarani, they went back to the shanties they call home, to concentrate on their poverty, until such a time when the tyranny of numbers will be required again.

They are nothing more than mere statistics only that they think they have stakes in the victory, which has its owners.

The real winners are the connected, briefcase wheeler dealers who are paid millions to supply air to the government. Stealing has no tribe and people in this group know their way to the buttered side of the bread, just like the political class who will still get contracts or appointments regardless of which tribe won the presidency.

The well-read, courtesy of their sweat, will also find their way to top government jobs. I saw a “cabinet mwitu” line giving the Education ministry to the renowned scholar, Prof George Magoha, who under normal circumstances is supposed to be crying because “they’ve lost” the election.

People in this group don’t necessarily need to work for the government because with their rare qualifications, they do not need any connections to get a job. Their papers are enough to land them jobs.

Then there is this man who sells mutura and he claims they’ve won. The government will never ask for supply of such stuff and this is the mad man claiming ownership to the tallest city building which has its real owner.

You may not like me but what I am telling you is the truth, the naked truth. Kenya has won nothing! Another five years of tribal divisions, grand corruption, insecurity, grinding poverty can only be celebrated by a man sick in the head.

I will veer of the topic a little to say something about Kihika Kimani’s daughter, and the village myth that the diameter of the mouth of any feminine human being is supposed to be directly proportional to the radius of some other important orifice. This is what comes to my mind whenever she opens her mouth to speak. To stop me from thinking along those lines, she’d better shut up.

Someone tell her it is possible to support Uhuru without stepping on everyone’s footsteps. Likewise, someone should advise Robert Alai that it is possible to eat Jubilee’s money without farting on us.

Now that we started with Kivuitu, isn’t it better that we wind up the yarn with him? Yes indeed. This is the very man who told us he didn’t know who won the elections but went ahead to declare Emilio Mwai Kibaki the winner.

Wafula Chebukati, the Chairman of the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission (IEBC), followed his “nyayo” when he said it was impossible to conduct a free and fair election in the prevailing circumstances, and the way IEBC was constituted. He however went ahead to conduct a flee and flair election which he said was free and fair.

By Jerome Ogola